Tag Archives: child development

A Letter to Parents in a Time of Unrest

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Su Rubinoff has been an Early Childhood educator at MWS for more than 25 years and has completed an in-depth training in Kingian Nonviolence Conflict Reconciliation and Mediation at URI. With families already facing unprecedented challenges caused by the coronavirus pandemic, Su used one of her regular parent letters to offer support in addressing tensions arising from the recent terrible events in Minneapolis and elsewhere.

Waldorf education was born in 1919 in response to the trauma and social upheaval of WWI. While teachers of older students might speak with their classes about difficult social issues, a different approach is needed with younger children. In this letter, Su uses her expertise in teaching children aged 3 – 6 years to share how parents can best support the continued healthy development of their child.

 

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

~ Nelson Mandela

 

Dear Friends,

I am so shook up by what is occurring in our country. A lot is being asked of you these days; to be parents, teachers, and now you need to be present for your child in a way that you rarely have needed to before. How do we, as adults, process the events of this past week?

As with many things we are careful with what we say to the young child, because they are not little adults, but so often they pick up our inner mood. I have to believe the world is good and that is what I want to pass along to the children. I want to give them hope! I have seen and heard images of hope, even amidst the terrible scenes unfolding around the world, and those are what I am holding on to.

We work with kindness daily at Meadowbrook and certainly in our class. While we do not presently have a lot of racial diversity, we still plant the seeds, either overtly or through being a role model worthy of imitation. We end of our circle time every day by saying this verse together:

Kind hearts are the gardens

Kind thoughts are the roots

Kind words are the blossoms

Kind deeds are the fruits.

The values of understanding, cooperation, listening, being inclusive, and so much more are alive in Morning Glory. Even our  very youngest children quickly learn our customs; if there is a problem, get help, (when another wants to join) ‘there is always room for one more’, and treat others the way you want to be treated. This is their foundation and I am hopeful it will grow with them through their lives.

But we all need to be doing better as humans, now! I want to change the world which is why I became a teacher, and it is so hard to do while I am at home and not with your wonderful children. I don’t know what your children are aware of, or what questions they are asking, but I am here to support you. To listen and try to figure this out. Together.

Take good care and remember to feed yourself, literally and figuratively!

 

Facing Anxiety, Cultivating Resilience

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How do we work with children (and ourselves) to meet the challenge of our anxious times? This article by Andrew Gilligan and Beth Riungu of MWS offers reflections from Kim John Payne’s recent visit to the school.

At the Northeast AWSNA Conference, Kim John Payne addressed a crowd of almost 200 parents and educators who attended from as far afield as Quebec, northern Vermont and western Massachusetts. They had come to hear about the approach Kim uses to address childhood anxiety. He began his talk by telling us the premise of all his work with children: that he sees the same trauma in the children of wealthy families in America and England that he saw in children living in war-torn refugee camps. More than presenting a startling account of the war against childhood unknowingly being waged by well-meaning, intelligent, upstanding adults, he offered help.

Kim shared an anecdote about overhearing fathers in Brooklyn as they picked their kids up from school, calling their kids buddy, dude, and bro, as if there was a collective amnesia of their roles as fathers and adults. Perhaps there is an overabundance of Peter Pans parenting in Brooklyn. However, even though I live in Rockville, Rhode Island, I still find myself calling my son buddy from time to time, like my dad called me in Littleton, Colorado. I’m easily reminded that my son is not my actual buddy because he’s 8 months old and I would never tell a friend not to play with a lamp cord if they wanted to play with one.

It becomes more difficult to make these choices for a child once they learn to talk and explain why they want to play with a lamp cord. It’s easy, sometimes, to forget you’re an adult and that young children need adults to make choices, authoritative choices without discussion or reference to an article on parenting. If you ask a five-year-old, ‘what do you want to do?’ every day, or present them with a continual array of choices, they’re bound to be anxious. Ditto for a 9-year old. Kim tried to help us realize that adults are not on an epic play date with their child. The loving adult that takes a decisive role that he calls the Governor gives the child a feeling that the world is good. It gives them a bedrock of will to stand on for the rest of their lives.

Healthful attitudes towards the child at the different stages of their life help to alleviate anxiety, both the child’s and the parent’s. Once a child is moving towards the tween years, between the ages of 7 and 14, Kim recommended the adult relinquish little by little their role as Governor and shift towards a different role he calls, the Gardener. The Gardener who watches, listens, is responsive to their child’s needs and nurtures healthy growth as if tending an orchard. The world is beautiful at this age, but the child is still not a buddy and it is still the adult that ultimately decides what is needed.

After the age of 14, as teenagers become more mature and not necessarily just older, Kim recommended that a parent gradually become more like a guide, or collaborator. At this stage the teenager seems more akin to lions, and tigers, and bears – oh my! They want to know what is true in the world and concoct grand visions for themselves. The role of the adult is to help the teenager create the plan they need to realize their dreams. The conversation would be more like, ‘What do you want to do? Okay, I’ll drive you there and drop you off’. Although the child increasingly decides on their course of action, they still need the adult to be an authority in their life rather than a peer.

Kim used beautiful watercolor paintings by his wife, Katharine Payne, to describe these stages of child development. They illustrated a journey from the garden where the young child plays in the mud, through a sheltering forest where they play with friends, and up the rocky slope to the mountaintop from where they can see all of the world laid out below them. Kim warned against societal pressures that subject the child to ‘too much, too soon, too sexy’. The young child can’t withstand the chill of the bare mountain top. Before around age seven, the child will lose their way among the shadows of the forest. Children need to make this journey at their own pace if they are to build the resilience needed to sustain themselves in the face of the challenges and anxieties of life.

To this image, Kim added a spatial picture. It consists of four concentric circles or realms. The outer circle is a child’s relationship with the natural world. The next is their relationship with their friends. The next, with family. The most intimate realm being that of a child’s relationship to their self. The important thing to remember about these realms is that each of them takes time to develop. A child must spend copious amounts of time in nature to develop a feeling of kinship with plants, animals, stones, wind, sun, clouds. They have to play with other people to make friends and it takes time to develop the defining aspect of friendship; trust. It takes time to build their relationship with their family, and with their self. Relationships take time.

Yet how much time each day does a child have to freely engage with these four realms? Kim said that, given time, a sheath can be created from a balance of the inner and outer worlds of a child that protects them, like their spiritual skin. The inner world is cultivated through creative play, projects, time with family, and time in nature. While the outer world is composed of homework, sports, screens, play dates, etc. When the balance is broken, anxiety results. Kim warned us that the level of anxiety experienced by present day humanity is unsustainable and we need to protect our children from it.

To do this we must curb our own anxiety as adults. He gave the Olympic sport of Curling as a great example of anxious parenting. Parents, frantically polishing the path ahead of their child to help them to glide as smoothly and as quickly as possible to the finish line. This is exhausting and ill-advised work.  Our children need experiences that challenge them. Not prefabricated commercial products with 100% guaranteed results. Not an easy ride. Children must have experiences of overcoming the obstacles of life for themselves and, at times, failing.

Kim John Payne did not offer a package of rules, regulations, and procedures to practice in order to decrease childhood anxiety. He offered guideposts and helping advice. He called on adults to strengthen their own inner lives for the sake of their children. Above all, called on us to give children time to connect to the essential reality of life. In this present-day world of pre-packaged fantasy, virtual reality and artificial intelligence, we must let the children play, imagine and create in the real world. Resilience built there will protect the child into a future none of us can see. In the end, Kim said, I’m not anti anything. I’m just pro connection.

Parenting in the Digital Age

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MWS and the Human Development and Family Studies program at URI are co-sponsoring a showing of Screenagers: Growing Up in the Digital Age on Sunday, April 10. Tickets are $10 and must be purchased in advance. Click here for tickets

Physician and filmmaker Delany Ruston decided to make the documentary Screenagers: Growing Up in the Digital Age when she found herself constantly struggling with her two children about screen time. She felt guilty and confused, not sure what limits were best, especially around the use of mobile phones, social media, gaming, and how to monitor online homework.

Click to watch trailer

Click to watch trailer

The recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) regarding children’s use of media have remained largely unchanged for 15 years. With children now spending more time on entertainment media than they do at school, the AAP is proposing new guidelines that stress the need for parents to be active in managing this aspect of their children’s lives. “Parenting has not changed”, proposes the AAP, “The same parenting rules apply to your children’s real and virtual environments. Play with them. Set limits; kids need and expect them. Teach kindness. Be involved. Know their friends and where they are going with them”.
However, screens have become so ubiquitous in our culture that many parents feel overwhelmed and unable to determine what is best for their children. In an interview with the New York Times Dr Rushton says, “The worst thing a parent can do is hand over a smart phone and hope for the best. But parents often feel like trying to set limits is pointless, that the cat is out of the bag, tech is everywhere. I hear all kinds of excuses. But kids’ brains aren’t wired to self-regulate. They can’t do it without you, and they shouldn’t have to.”
The film weaves real life stories with scientific evidence and insights from experts in child development, brain science, and psychology. Boys and girls use media differently, leading to different issues. Stories include that of a 14-year old girl who fell victim to social media bullying, and of a boy whose love of video gaming took him from straight A student to internet rehab. Because young brains are not yet fully developed, children and teens are particularly vulnerable to the effects of screen use. The film includes findings from recent studies about the impact of media on for children’s ability to learn and to reach their full academic potential.
Screenagers gives parents practical ideas for creating a healthy digital environment for their families. It suggests ways to work with teens to help them build good habits and to balance their on-screen lives with the real life experiences. The film is intended to spark discussion between educators and parents as well as with teens. We all live in the digital age and only by working together will we be able to ensure that this technology changes our lives for the better.

Play is Serious Business

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Imaginative play is essential for the healthy physical, emotional, social, and academic development of the child. Waldorf Education recognizes that when children are given a safe and beautiful environment they use the power of their own imaginations to create learning experiences. Hasbro invited Meadowbrook kindergarten teacher, Su Rubinoff, to share her expertise with its innovation design team.

Su at Hasbro (1280x1022)

Hasbro is a leading global play products company based in Pawtucket, R.I. with many well known brands including Play–Doh, Transformers, Scrabble, and My Little Pony. Most of us will remember games such as Monopoly and Candy Land from our own childhoods but Hasbro has since added a new generation of electronic toys and digital gaming, and continues to look for new ways to play. MWS alumna, Ceileidh Siegel, is currently the company’s Director of Imbedded Innovation and leads a team working on design ideas intended for production 3-5 years from now.  Ceileidh says her job is a mix of the Tom Hanks role in the movie Big, where a 12 year old wishes himself into an adult body then lands his dream job of professional toy tester, mixed with Shark Tank, the television show that ruthlessly investigates the viability of new product ideas.

Playstand PoniesIn 2015, Ceileidh’s team hosted a Hasbro “Summer Camp” focusing on the reinvention of two core brands.  Her group worked with members of the company’s Marketing, Design, and Engineering, teams with the intention of providing timeless favorites, Baby Alive™ and FurReal Friends™, with a timely new twist. These lines feature play characters for young children that encourage patterns of role play and imagination. As a foundation for their work, Ceileidh felt that an in depth perspective on children’s innate need for play was essential for the group. She particularly wanted them to understand the importance of nurturing role play and what it brings to the developing child.

Cassandra with her doll

Cassandra with her doll

Having experienced play–based Waldorf education at Meadowbrook from early childhood until graduating from grade 8 in 1997, she decided to invite MWS kindergarten teacher Su Rubinoff (known hereabouts as Miss Su) to share her expertise with the Hasbro group. Su has worked with children for more than 40 years and holds a Master of Science degree in remedial education. She has devoted many years to the study of child development, investigating the connection between sensory and academic learning. Su, who has known Ceileidh since birth, was honored by the invitation but also a little nervous so she enlisted the help of another MWS alum, Cassandra Duda, for technical assistance. Cassandra graduated from Meadowbrook in 2013 and is currently a junior at the Lincoln School. After researching the school archives, she created a PowerPoint presentation with photographs of young children at play to accompany Su’s talk. She also brought along her favorite childhood toy, a doll named Ellie. Ceileidh says that Cassandra’s input was tremendous, “She brought the team on a lovely digital journey from the forest kindergarten, through Su’s trips around the world, to show the global drumbeat of play.  She was poised and articulate speaking about her connection to the doll, the weight of its bean bag body and the rituals associated with it including purchasing clothes and accessories on family visits to Germany each summer”. In reflection, Ceileidh shared how her Meadowbrook education prepared her for the presentations she gives today. “Making my own textbooks reinforced that I really needed to know the subject from the inside out and from every angle.  It gives me a great sense of calm because, if you know the material the way we are required to at Meadowbrook, there are no “gotchas”… you literally wrote the book (well, now it’s a PowerPoint) .”

Hasbro CS (1280x799)

Su received an enthusiastic welcome from the Hasbro team. She explained that play is not just something children do for fun or to pass the time. Play enables children to make sense of the world and it establishes the foundation of future learning. Unstructured, imaginative play activates the entire brain resulting in the building of new neural pathways. Activities practiced in play that are associated with communication, memory, self regulation, and problem solving, help to develop the part of the brain responsible for executive functioning and critical thinking. Play is also essential in learning how to interact with others, promoting social as well as self development. Children learn by exploring their environment through their senses, translating what they see and feel into a picture of the world and their place within it. For healthy development, it is important to surround the young child with beautiful and meaningful experiences that encourage trust and confidence in the goodness of the world.

Su told the group that children learn predominantly from imitation in their early years. They are not ‘little adults’, although they are driven by a strong desire to behave like the adults around them. Children imitate daily living when playing with dolls or stuffed animals, thoughtfully recapitulating the tending and caring they themselves have experienced. Children as young as one year old can be seen bending over a little crib to kiss a doll. New skills are also learned in this way. When feeding, brushing hair, or dressing their ‘babies’, children are learning how to care for themselves.

Dolls appear throughout history and in every culture, made from a wide variety of materials including cloth, grass, corn husks, plastic and clay. Children’s touch is sensitive so the intrinsically warm qualities of natural materials, such as wood or silk, make for a deeper connection than might be formed with toys made of synthetic materials. Children also see themselves in the doll, bringing it to life through their own imagination. Waldorf dolls have tiny eyes and, perhaps, a simple stitch for a mouth. Su described how these small, neutral features allow the child to explore a wider range of emotions and experiences through creative play.

Six months later, the Hasbro group is still talking about the insights Su provided. Building on the knowledge that play where the child takes the role of nurturing a toy is instinctual, they are considering ways to augment imaginary play instead of replacing it with lights, sounds, and motion.  Ceileidh surmises, “Su really made it abundantly clear that the power of play and imagination is the strongest force in childhood, and the foundation for growth and success later in life.”

Ceileidh calls Meadowbrook the place where she learned how to learn. She credits Meadowbrook with helping to develop her innate internal motivation and is convinced that Waldorf Education’s consistent focus on what you do with knowledge, rather than on reciting the facts you know, resulted in her being very well prepared for work in the innovation era. “At Hasbro”, she says, “We have the privilege and responsibility for making some of the world’s best play experiences”. When it comes to the essential business of children’s play, that sense of ethical responsibility carries great importance. No word yet on what changes will be made to Baby Alive and FurReal Friends but, as a Waldorf alum leading the way, Ceileidh will likely succeed with her persistent request that a toy be just as much fun when the batteries are dead.

Click here to see some of the photos Su showed at Hasbro